BROTHEL BRIDESMAID

When Lily Allen got married at the weekend, we think her sister (kinda) Sarah Owen missed the memo and instead got dressed as if she was off to meet a client. Come on, is that really appropriate attire for a wedding? Maybe if you live off a Giro, have 12 kids and your idea of a "great" evening is going down the pub. It looked BEYOND classy what with her tits pushed up to her neck and her dress was so high everyone could probably see what she had for breakfast the dirty slut (allegedly). Lily and Sarah are obviously very well bred.

[Image via FLYNET]

AVID SUN BLOCK USER

Who'd have thought "supermodel" Kate Moss could be the next poster girl for sun block? Talk about sun damage love, urgh what a fucking MESS she is lately (last 10 years). We DO NOT understand how this EPIC dog lands so many advertising campaigns? Maybe it's her beautiful skin tone, glossy locks or perfect "white" smile that attracts? Forgive our sarcasm but we have to make a joke of her face cause otherwise we'll throw up. If ever a woman owed her success to Photoshop, it would HAVE to be Kate. It does however look like she's really taken care of herself over the years (containing laughter), but every time we see a photo of her we literally wanna force her to shower. Oh to be a supermodel.

[Image via GOFF]

UNFASHIONABLE GENES

Well this is a nice one to keep for the family album ain't it? These two look truly DISGUSTING that we even had second thoughts about posting it. Donatella Versace and her BEAUTIFUL daughter Allegra look like a pair of hookers doin' a shift on Hollywood Boulevard. It appears that Allegra has unfortunately inherited too much of Donatella's faulty chromosome (just her genes in general), but what better way to stop traffic than stand next to one of these two?

[Image via REUTERS]

VINTAGE XTINA

We're kicking ourselves that The Sizzling Mess didn't exist last year when Christina Aguilera was sporting some of her biggest SHIT HOT MESS looks in history. Let's be serious though, her stylist either hates her fucking guts and enjoys embarrassing her on the red carpet, or she lets her child pick out her outfits. We get that her self-esteem is down in the gutter due to a FLOP album, divorce and her movie Burlesque gettin' SHAT on by Hanna Montana 13 at the box office, but what the fuck happened? Looks like lady has been takin' tanning tips from Snooki.

[Image via GETTY]

LET'S HOPE CHANEL DO RETURNS

Wow, this really is a STUNNING photo of Lily Allen. The (talentless) "singer" was pictured arriving at some church (in a place no one cares about) where she is due to marry her beau today, and her Chanel (we're not kidding) dress was just a CATASTROPHIC mess. We get that in the world of celebrity Chanel equals taste (particularly new money celebs), but Lily looked like a bloated tranny from the 20's covered in 30,000 meters of (tacky) lace. Who'd have guessed she was going for a (slightly classier) Gypsy look? We hope you have a great day and your marriage lasts and all, but Lily why the fuck did you wear this shit?

[Image via FLYNET]

THE SOCIAL CLIMBING GISELE

We love a good Real Housewives binge, so who better to hate on other than Real Housewife and "supermodel" aka deluded transvestite Alex McCord. Since her (his) debut on the Real Housewives, the fugly social climber has done nothing except OFFEND us continually with her "unique" bone structure. C'mon let's be real, this thing is so far beyond deluded it's ridiculous. Still, we're guessing she's giving model agencies all over New York something to laugh about. Replace all the magic mirrors in your "classy" Brooklyn townhouse (Alex & Simon are secretly embarrassed they can't afford a brownstone in Manattan), buy some new ones (don't forget to peel off the protective film), study yourself without barfing, and then next season just admit you're fugly and OWN it like Oprah.

[Image via Bravo]

ILLEGAL MODEL

Wow, for a "supermodel" Kate Moss looks truly fucking DOG rough. She was pictured out in London with her pal (ugly sister) en route to lunch, and according to the restaurant she politely requested that they remove the cress from the watercress soup. We truly do believe her when she says she's "naturally skinny". Anyhoo the pair of trollops were seen lightin' up outside after they'd visited the restroom for a little pick me up (line of coke), and Kate was NOT sporting one of her best looks. Listen up girls (aged 13 to 35), you are buying Rimmel mascara that is only safe when applied to the lashes of a "hog" aka human dog. And to think there's no warning on their products!

[Image via REX FEATURES]

BE THE BIGGER PERSON

When we first saw the Real Housewives Of New Jersey sketch on South Park we nearly DIED. It was kinda compulsory for the show to feature two of the BIGGEST hot "jesses" (Jersey messes), Teresa Giudice and Caroline Manzo and it didn't fail to disappoint. The animation guys sure did capture the essence of Caroline's slimline physique and facial hair problem, but Teresa is just off the hook and the resemblance is uncanny. We do however think they shoulda lowered her hairline so it started on her lips. Note the subtle face mask (shaving cream) on Caroline's face. Hot tribute to a bunch of hot messes!

[Image via COMEDY CENTRAL]

HAVING A CASE OF DOWNS

What the fuck happened to Nicole Richie's skin? The (adopted) socialite was shooting a commercial in New York and a paparazzo (yay for us) managed to snap her in the MOST flattering light. We didn't realize that new mother's are subject to such RANK hormonal acne, but Nicole's skin has definitely seen better days. To add insult to injury her EXPERTLY applied fake eye lash glue is clearly visible and it looks like she's got an unfortunate case of down syndrome eyes. Bummer.

[Image via GETTY]